Lately I've been finding myself spending a lot of time [and money] on the latest beauty products. Whether it's the newest mascara that makes your lashes look like falsies, the hottest lipstick color for the summer or a new hair gadget to get the perfect curls. I jumped from Instagram pages to beauty blogs, to YouTube channels trying to find the secret to beauty, trying to find the right product or technique to make me beautiful. I kept looking for these things that would make me feel like I was good enough. Like I was worthy enough to be called beautiful. Let me tell you, it's exhausting.
Finally I just had to ask myself who I was doing this for. Was I doing it for me or was I doing it for some silly reason.. like "because everyone is doing it." I realized that everything I thought I was doing for myself, I was actually doing because I didn't believe I was beautiful. I felt like I needed my eyelashes to look unnaturally long. My hair had to be perfect, always. I was letting the world set my standard for beauty. I let media, magazines, latest trends and even other people tell me what beauty was. And so, no matter how much time [and money] I spent, I never felt beautiful. The saddest part of it all was that those beauty products would never make me feel the slightest bit beautiful because I was knee deep in the lies the enemy had thrown my way. I believed when he told me I wasn't already beautiful. I believed when the enemy whispered that the lashes my Heavenly Father gave me were ugly because they weren't curled and long. I believed when he told me beauty was all about looks. I believed it all. I collected those lies and then went out searching for things to cover them up, to fill the longing of being enough. And that's what I did. I covered them up with coral lipstick, with Maybelline volumizing mascara, with curlformers, with anything that I could purchase to change the way I looked. Compliments made me feel like I had found success but then, when it all washed out, I felt the same. And the enemy kept shouting that I would never be beautiful. And I would never be good enough.
But the enemy was dead wrong.
Because I am beautiful.
Not because I wear makeup or have the perfect hair but because I was created in the image of God [Genesis 1:27]. Beauty is not about the outside. I was so caught up in looking a certain way that I completely missed the mark. I believed the lies and refused to hear the truth. I refused to hear God's truth which tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made [Psalms 139:13-16]. I am my Father's creation and solely because of that I am beautiful. And sometimes I do feel like I am not good enough but then my Father reminds me how much I am loved, how much worth I have. So much so that He sacrificed His one and only son for me [ John 3:16]. There are always times when it is easier to believe lies. I'm not sure why that is but I know I spend more time trying to convince myself that I am not enough rather than simply opening my heart to God and hearing His truths.
There is nothing wrong with wearing makeup. And I'll likely still wear it. But I will wear it knowing that I don't need it to be beautiful. Because I already am.
Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't beautiful or that you aren't good enough. Christ became man, died for you, rose from the dead and has been pursuing you ever since. He wouldn't have done that for you if you weren't worth it.
Now, go enjoy your world. Love everyone, including yourself, especially yourself.
xoxo,
SJ
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