Lookin' For Love In All The Wrong Places

Let’s talk on screen relationships. Since it’s summer, and I have no friends- kidding, I have friends, but seriously- I have been spending a lot of time watching romantic movies. I am the biggest sap in the world so I eat it up. I sit in front of the television with a box of kleenex just waiting for the waterworks. That’s not even the worst part. I consistently find myself yelling at the characters when they sabotage their relationships. “How could you, Elizabeth. He loves you!” Needless to say, I’m a big mess by the time the movie is over.

I am by no means an expert on relationships but I couldn’t push aside the way in which on screen relationships affect me. It never fails. I sit in front of the television watching any given romance movie and immediately I find myself going ‘awwwwww’ and instinctively clutching my chest. And then I mentally added a new item onto an already extensive list of what I want my guy to do when I am in a relationship.

Poor guy. I am basically setting him up for failure because there is no earthly way he’s going to be able to guess everything on my list much less do it.

I found myself fantasizing about this dreamboat with piercing blue eyes and a killer smile. He would be ye tall, with perfect hair, and manners from another century. I swear he could read minds because in my vision, my guy would always know what to say and he would always do exactly what I wanted him to (and I didn’t even have to tell him!). If you happen to know a guy like this, please tell me where I can find him because I have had zero luck. Sure, there may be guys with the piercing blue eyes but then they never act like the characters in movies, do they? I mean, I’ve never had a guy stand in my front yard with a boombox. I’ve never had a guy write me a song. I’ve never had a guy tell me that he wants to marry me so he can kiss me whenever he wants or that I complete him. In every relationship I initiated, I went in with those expectations. I wanted to find my other half, the guy that would complete me. I wanted it to be exactly like in the movies. So essentially I spent my time looking for the perfect guy who, by the way, doesn’t exist. Because of this, every relationship I had was destined to fail and as a result I began to believe there was something wrong with me. In my misguided attempts to prove to myself that there was nothing wrong and that I was good enough, my thoughts and focus were entirely consumed on finding a guy so that my life would be complete and I could finally be who I was meant to be. More than ever I searched for a guy to make me feel whole but when a new relationship started, it ended just like before. He never said what I wanted him to and he never did what I thought he should. And I was right back where I started, feeling like there was something wrong. Feeling sad, empty. Incomplete. And then what were only suspicions in my mind before became fact—something was wrong with me. Why didn’t anyone want me?

After a season of what I considered solitude, I began to see things for what they were.  First of all, NEVER base your expectations for a relationship off of Hollywood. It’s complete fantasy. No one can ever live up to those standards. On screen relationships give the wrong idea of what a relationship should be. They give us a false notion of what relationships should look like. Furthermore, they give the wrong idea of what a relationship should be based off of. Secondly, and most importantly, my reason for wanting a man in my life was completely off base. Since in the movies I had seen countless leading men fix broken damsels in distress, I thought I needed a guy to fix me. The guys who entered my life never had a chance because I was asking them for something they could never give me.

I was asking them to fill the void in my heart and life that only one Man could.

And let me tell you about this Man. He is perfect in every way.  He fiercely loves me. [Ephesians 2:4-6]. He protects me [Psalm 91:14] and you know what? He even gave His life for me 2,000 years ago on a cross [John 3:16]. I wanted saving, I wanted love and yet I was looking in all the wrong places. I “knew” of Christ’s unfailing love but I never opened my heart and life to experience it. I wanted Christ to save me but I kept running away- searching for my own solutions that always left me empty. I thought that I needed some guy from some invented fantasy to complete me and give me value but I was wrong.

I am a child of God and because of that I am complete in Him [Colossians 2:9-10]. If I have Christ, I have everything. I am His masterpiece and because of that I am valuable [Ephesians 2:10]. I had to come to the realization and understanding that without Christ I am nothing. And that is the same for anyone. So any guy may be handsome, tall and rich but without Christ, he. has. nothing. My Father only wants what is best for me. He knows exactly what I need even though I may not know. So my list goes out the window. So while I wait for God to bring the perfect man for me, I will let Him be my bridegroom. I will let God pour love onto me. 

I encourage you ladies [and gentlemen] to do the same. Wait on God and let Him romance you. Let Him show you what true love is all about. Don’t forget, we are able to love because He first loved us [1 John 4:19].  And guess what, guys, God wants me! He wants all of me, even the broken not so good pieces. And he wants you, too. Give God the chance to fill your life with love and joy. It's a relationship you'll never regret starting. 

Now, go enjoy your world. Love everyone, including yourself, especially yourself.

xoxo,

SJ

Let Freedom Ring

I hope everyone had a great Fourth of July! It's always a blessing to spend time with family and friends [because there's always that friend who invites himself over].

I sometimes forget how important it is to just spend time loving on each other. Once you grow up, it's hard to keep up with everyone's lives. On holidays I realize how much I truly miss family time. Holidays always transport me back to when we were all kids running around, getting wet [sprinklers were our fav], and eating as many hotdogs as we could. Times were simpler then. Now, some of us have kids of our own and we've had our share of struggles that have, at times, kept us apart but because of our gracious Heavenly Father, we remain strong. And it's beautiful to come together and make memories for the new generation. I encourage you to spend time with your family every chance you get. We don't know what the future holds and regret is a horrible thing. If you have had some disagreements with family, try to mend those broken relationships. Sometimes [most times] it's hard to forgive someone in our family that's let us down or who has done something that hurts us. But we can never forget that we have a merciful Father who forgave us and so we are called to forgive others [Matthew 6:14-15]. How many times do we let God down? Or do something that hurts Him? I don't have enough fingers, toes, legs, or arms (or anything, really) to count how many times I've let God down and yet, He is always ready with arms wide open when I come crawling back to His loving arms. There is no fear in love so don't be afraid be the first to take a step towards rebuilding your family!

Today is also a day to recognize and remember all those who have served and serve our country. Not only them but their families. I can't imagine how hard it must be to be so far apart and to always have that fear that your loved ones may not return. I thank you for your service. You are in my prayers!

Most importantly, let's not forget the One who sets us free!

Now the Lord is the spirit, and where the spirit of the Lord is, there is freedom.    
- 2 Corinthians 3:17

It is for freedom that Christ has set us free. -Galations 5:1

If you want a taste of TRUE freedom, seek God! He wants nothing more than for you to be set free. Choose Christ on a daily basis and you will experience His fullness and freedom. It doesn't matter where you are or where you've been, His arms are always open, waiting. 

Have a safe weekend, y'all. And don't forget to love, forgive, and encourage each other. 

Go enjoy your world. Love everyone, including yourself, especially yourself. 

xoxo,

SJ

Are Those Your Real Lashes?

Lately I've been finding myself spending a lot of time [and money] on the latest beauty products. Whether it's the newest mascara that makes your lashes look like falsies, the hottest lipstick color for the summer or a new hair gadget to get the perfect curls. I jumped from Instagram pages to beauty blogs, to YouTube channels trying to find the secret to beauty, trying to find the right product or technique to make me beautiful. I kept looking for these things that would make me feel like I was good enough. Like I was worthy enough to be called beautiful. Let me tell you, it's exhausting.

Finally I just had to ask myself who I was doing this for. Was I doing it for me or was I doing it for some silly reason.. like "because everyone is doing it." I realized that everything I thought I was doing for myself, I was actually doing because I didn't believe I was beautiful. I felt like I needed my eyelashes to look unnaturally long. My hair had to be perfect, always. I was letting the world set my standard for beauty. I let media, magazines, latest trends and even other people tell me what beauty was. And so, no matter how much time [and money] I spent, I never felt beautiful. The saddest part of it all was that those beauty products would never make me feel the slightest bit beautiful because I was knee deep in the lies the enemy had thrown my way. I believed when he told me I wasn't already beautiful. I believed when the enemy whispered that the lashes my Heavenly Father gave me were ugly because they weren't curled and long. I believed when he told me beauty was all about looks. I believed it all. I collected those lies and then went out searching for things to cover them up, to fill the longing of being enough. And that's what I did. I covered them up with coral lipstick, with Maybelline volumizing mascara,  with curlformers, with anything that I could purchase to change the way I looked. Compliments made me feel like I had found success but then, when it all washed out, I felt the same. And the enemy kept shouting that I would never be beautiful. And I would never be good enough.

But the enemy was dead wrong.

Because I am beautiful.

Not because I wear makeup or have the perfect hair but because I was created in the image of God [Genesis 1:27]. Beauty is not about the outside. I was so caught up in looking a certain way that I completely missed the mark. I believed the lies and refused to hear the truth. I refused to hear God's truth which tells me that I am fearfully and wonderfully made [Psalms 139:13-16]. I am my Father's creation and solely because of that I am beautiful. And sometimes I do feel like I am not good enough but then my Father reminds me how much I am loved, how much worth I have. So much so that He sacrificed His one and only son for me [ John 3:16]. There are always times when it is easier to believe lies. I'm not sure why that is but I know I spend more time trying to convince myself that I am not enough rather than simply opening my heart to God and hearing His truths.

There is nothing wrong with wearing makeup. And I'll likely still wear it. But I will wear it knowing that I don't need it to be beautiful. Because I already am.

Don't let anyone tell you that you aren't beautiful or that you aren't good enough. Christ became man, died for you, rose from the dead and has been pursuing you ever since. He wouldn't have done that for you if you weren't worth it.

Now, go enjoy your world. Love everyone, including yourself, especially yourself.

xoxo,

SJ