Have you ever been in a situation where you are immediately transported back to a time in your life that wasn't the greatest? Yeah, that's happened to me way too often this past month. If there is one thing I remember most about my freshman and sophomore year of high school it was wanting to fit in [and maybe that's still true today...]. Everyone wants that, right? Everyone yearns to be accepted and to be a part of the "in crowd?" Or maybe it was just me. Either way, it was never a good feeling when you didn't make the cut. It was so awful. I remember spending hours in front of the mirror to look perfect, I remember begging my mom to buy me the same brands that the "cool kids" wore [which she never did, btw], and I remember acting like a completely different person just so they'd consider accepting me into their clique. I shudder just thinking back to those moments.
I remember the willingness to give anything [and I literally mean anything] in the world to be accepted. I remember praying to God to make me prettier and skinnier and just cooler [whatever that means]. I remember praying to be noticed and accepted. I would literally ask God to change the person I was.
Fast forward 10 years later and I found myself back in my fifteen year old self shoes. And you know what, I made that same prayer. I asked God to change characteristics about me just so that I could feel accepted. I was obsessing about the way I looked and the way I was. And it was painful. I felt like I was a freshman in high school all over again. Does my hair look good, are my clothes cute enough, are my eyebrows groomed, what color lipstick should I wear, and the list went on and on.
What I didn't realize until later [after God got a hold of me] was that the only question that I kept asking myself then and now was "Am I good enough? Am I enough?"
This is a particularly difficult subject for me to talk about not because I have self confidence issues but because I long to be accepted. Because I live in a society that is constantly telling me what I need to look like and how I need to act to be accepted. No matter where I turn on this earth, I will always be faced with a condition in order to be loved and accepted. I thought I had worked through those feelings and left them in high school but this really hit me, hard.
For a few weeks I sulked until my Heavenly Father reminded me..
"Hey, don't you know that I love you and accept you? [Jeremiah 31:3] Don't you know that you are perfect because I have made you so? [Genesis 1:27] Don't you know that my love for you is without restraint and without boundaries? Don't you know that my love for you is unconditional? Don't you know that I made you exactly how you are for a purpose? Don't you know that you are beautiful and fearfully and wonderfully made?[Psalm 139:14] Don't you know that you are enough? Don't you know that I love you just as you are? Don't you know that I love you? Don't you know that I love you? Don't you know that I love YOU?"
Wow.
It was difficult for me to understand that my God could love me just as I was when there were so many other entities rejecting me. It was painful. But then I realized that I was turning away from the one thing I longed for, acceptance. God loves me and accepts me. His love is unconditional. His love never fails and it endures forever [Psalm 106:1]. I realized that I was not made to fit in. I was placed in this era, with specific physical characteristics and specific character traits for a reason. And that reason is and always will be to glorify God. I learned that I needed to be who I was, not who the world wanted me to be. I'm quiet. I'm shy. My skin isn't perfect. I cry too much. I don't always do my hair or dress up. I'm a 25 year old obsessed with Disney. I don't like to out out with large crowds. I sometimes prefer to be alone. I'm different. I am less than ordinary by society's standards but you know what? I am okay with that. Because I do not need the acceptance and approval of anyone. I do not need to fit in to stand out. I don't need a clique. I don't need anything that this world can give. All I need is God and I am 1000% sure that He is for me [Romans 8:31].
Please never let anyone dull your sparkle or tell you that you can't sit with them. Never let society tell you what beauty is because how can you put your faith and trust in something that changes its standards [and fads] every month. Never let anyone make you feel less or like you're not enough because you are more than enough. I cannot express to you how important it is to embrace the beauty that is you. I can be the first to tell you it is not easy. I struggle everyday. But always remember who created you! You were made in God's perfect image [Genesis 1:27]!
Love God above all things. Love everyone and especially love yourself.
xoxo,
Susy
